My Experience To Date

I mentioned in my maiden post there about having been in bands before. This much is true, although you may also note that I didn't drop this in as one of the reasons why I'd be more likely to succeed. That's because although I've been in as many bands as Paul MafuckingCartney, none of my experiences enjoyed even the longevity of the frog chorus (and that's before we even discuss the artistic merits of our efforts).

Here's a run-down of my musical forays to date:

Number One:
Band Name: Untitled

The first band I was properly in lasted for around half of an afternoon in a practice pad somewhere on the south side of Glasgow (I think it was just outside Clarkston - is that Riverside perhaps). It was with my good friends Andrew Bush and David Thomson who have both gone onto subsequent local creative success with a variety of bands, including Pariah, Sky at Night and Tall Ships. I was on vocals and I'd written some very shouty shouty angsty angsty lyrics which were embarrassingly poor... They went something like this...

"Today I feel depressed, cos society's progressed
To a time and place where there's no space
For magic anymore"

Quite shit eh? Then the chorus kicked in with the refrain,

"now is the time for all young men to act"

Will I ever be that good again? It's probably no surprise that David and Andrew segued into an instrumental-only band following that.

Number Two:
Band Name: Untitled

My sophomore effort, another band that didn't last beyond point where we got a title. This was with an Icelandic dude called Nonny who I met sometime around the turn of the millenium, although I can't remember where or how (I was a little habitually tipsy in those days). We didn't even get as far as the rehearsal room this time, although the band was together a little longer. For whatever reason, Nonny, who's this great, passionate and totally enthusiastic guy thought that I was the missing piece of the jigsaw for a band he was hoping to put together in Glasgow. He needed a Bass player, and, he said, it didn't matter that I couldn't play (oh, how I protested about my inability to play) cos I had the right look and stuff. He was so up for it and I was so flattered, but ultimately began to feel really bad because I knew that I was incapable of living up to his expectations. I didn't actually try to play the bass much either during this period. I mean, the vocalist thing was more my cup of tea, because it's just like talking in a funny way over the music, and you don't even have to really learn that. But I really felt for Nonny, cos he had a lot of emotional energy invested in this band that was gonna be like the new stooges/lennon/slowdive and I must say I thought if he had a band full of himself he could probably have pulled it off. And he got screwed around too, which was upsetting; some guy who he had recruited to play guitar needed a new instrument, so Nonny bought him one. It was the last he saw of him though as this asshole guy did a runner and never got back in touch. Too trusting maybe. So, eventually things fell apart a little and I didn't see Nonny around so much, as he finished at Art School and went back to Iceland. Funnily enough though I was in Reykjavik a couple of years ago and I met this guy who was similarly infectious and enthusiastic and also took to me really quickly - turns out he was Nonny's brother. And I met a friend of his called Hanna that same time, and pretty much fell in love with her over the course of a couple of days. Never saw Nonny himself, but I've subsequently noticed his face on Myspace and I must drop him a line. Iceland rocks. It might be expensive to go there kids, but think how much you're costing yourself by not going...

Number Three:
Band Name: Untitled

Noticing a trend here? That's right, another untitled band and this time not much of a story to tell. I used to go to quiz at Nice 'n' Sleazy that had a karaoke section within it, and I used to take the opportunity to dust off the old pipes from time to time. My mate Bob decided that he'd be the latest to offer me my chance at superstardom with his emerging Stooges influenced project, in conjunction with another friend called Des. I used to love hanging out in his Byres Road house smoking fags and watching the people go below. Bob was a pretty dab hand in the kitchen and used to offer me a selection of tasty foodstuffs too. I remember the first time I ever enjoyed a courgette (that's zucchini for you US based readers) was at his house. It's all about how it's cooked he said. Anyway, at some point during the two or three times I was there that we were a band he'd get the guitars and mics out and I'd just seize up, and really didn't feel comfortable singing. I'll have to remedy that soon I daresay. But I'm sure it'll be ok.

Number Four:
Band Name: Untitled during my tenure, although subsequently became 20 miles

I went to see the John Spencer Blues Explosion at the Queen Margaret Union with my friends Mark and I think possibly our then flatmate Andy, or it might have been Joe. I thought they were ok; usual expectations of the Blues Explosion are probably almost always accurate, plodding, somewhat meandering but occasionally enthralling songs boosted by the charisma of the singer. Well, afterwards we were thinking, that was a bit of fun, let's continue the evening and head to the Glasgow Garage nightspot. It was a midweek evening, there wasn't owt much more to be doing. Who should we see there though, but Judah Bauer, the often noodling guitar player from the Blues Explosion. After a while for whatever reason he approached me and started to explain that it was very important that I become his new bass player. I mean again, what is with me and bass playing? Well, Judah, I told him, I'm not actually very musical. Again, the same response, doesn't matter you're perfect for what I'm trying to put together. You can learn! Well, again I was flattered, although it seemed that Judah had perhaps had a bit to drink and I was also a little embarassed. But still he kept coming back, begging me to join his band. Not that practical I suggested to him, since I'm here and you're based in America. Not a problem, far from insurmountable reasoned Judah in response, although the precise details of his rationale were maybe lost within a somewhat sozzled mumble. Well, we eventually parted, at which point he pressed a piece of paper with an email address on it into my hand, telling me to get in touch. I actually did, and he did respond to say he remembered me, and that we had to do something but very quickly it became clear that I'd been right, and that our musical futures lay along very different paths. But I did go and see the band he wanted me for, subsequently called 20 miles, at King Tuts Wah Wah Hut. I suppose part of me wanted to know who he'd got in instead of me. Well needless to say, the new guy had more bass playing talent than me, but did he have the look. Ha!, no.

If I was a wine I'd have been made tomorrow my vintage is so bad.